tears without feelings

i can feel it boiling up in my eyes. Destine to poor out like rain. Heart is pounding harder and harder. breathing heavier and heavier. why does it feel like this? why does it hurt so bad? but i cant feel anything. the emotions going through my body but passing my thoughts. i have no thoughts. but i hurt. but not at all.

i can feel the muscles contracting in my lips moving up to cast a smile. a hint of laughter to throw in as well. eyes opening up, bringing a glow to my cheekbones. its just a look. i cannot feel it inside.

red bursting in my veins. boiling up through my skin. fists clenched tight. i want to hurt them. but not really. lips pinched closed, feet unable to move. i hate me so much. smashing mirrors in my head. breaking anything they thought ever mattered to me, but only in my head. again it just a look, only a look.

you cant look numb or else they will rip your brain into billions of pieces. you cannot kill yourself or they will blame themselves. you cannot show how much you dont care or they will give up to. again with the tears. rolling down my cheek. its just a look, only a look.

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